[Oh hey cool. This thing does have a video feature! Neat. John appears on the screen, his shiny Whimsicott clinging to his shoulder and looking a little distressed. Why doesn't he remember her. WHY DOESN'T HE REMEMBER THIS IS TERRIBLE.]
[Poor Phoebe.]
You seriously don't remember? Wait, of course you don't. That's on par for Johto. People being all over the place in the timeline and fuck that is really starting to get annoying!
[He whines, corners of his mouth turned down slightly as pinches the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up in the process. Can he stop remembing random scraps of information of his life in Johto? Or can it like all happen at once, cohesively? This is obnoxious.]
But yeah, we met in person. You were on Vriska's pirate ship with Sollux and that jerk with the bullhorns... wait he's actually not a jerk, is he? He's actually kind of a nice guy? Tavros. Dammit, I know he is a rude little buttmunch, so why does saying that feel wrong now? [So. Obnoxious.] Anyway, and Meenah and Vriska's ancestor who likes to talk a lot was there too. Aranea? Oh and Feferi and Nepeta showed up at one point too for some reason. Anyway, Vriska was doing her crazy thing where she sacrificed all her ghost troll friends so that Lord Spanglish or whatever the fuck his name was would lead you guys to the ultimate treasure [He lifts his hands and wiggles his fingers for emphasis.] that will defeat him. Aranea told us all about cherub sex and Leprechaun romance but then Meenah interrupted her because I guess even ghosts still have to pee?
[Ramble mode: engage for a second time. Please fasten your seatbelts and try not to roll your eyes too much at the pointless details and John's piss-poor storytelling.]
But that's not important, anyway we found the cave that housed the treasure and you and I had a conversation that I already kind of alluded to where I asked you how you felt about Vriska's crazy plan where she was basically double murdering all the ghost bros. And you said it didn't really bother you because you look at death differently or whatever so then I asked what you wanted out of all this and you said that thing that I said you said, and at that point Vriska got onto us for lollygagging and Aranea wanted to tell us another story anyway so I went up to go walk with them because story time holy shit that's exciting! So she tells us about these two rings and then Vriska flips her shit because I guess some orange guy tried to give her the magic ring that will bring ghosts back to life but she didn't take it because he was a weirdo? Then Tavros broke up with her and flew away while flipping us all the double bird. Then Sollux left with Feferi and Nepeta because he didn't feel comfortable with anything Vriska was doing and didn't want to be out-backboned by Tavros. Which, wow that suddenly makes more sense? He used to be kind of a wimp wasn't he? Back when he was in his wheelchair?
[A beat.]
Goddammit, I am just going to stop questioning how I know this stuff. Because I guess it was because I have been here all along? Fuck, I'm getting sidetracked. Anyway! So that just left you, me, Vriska, Aranea, and Meenah. Vriska lead us to the treasure which was in this red chest and then she had another fit for reasons I don't think any of us understood and she dumped it on the floor. Turns out the treasure is an intangible, flashing, transparent SBURB logo, which is why Vriska wanted you to come along on the expedition. So you could use your psychic troll powers to levitate it because it was impossible to pick up otherwise. Which you said sounded like a dare so I stuck my hand in it and sure enough, my hand went right through it. But then it made me disappear.
[Did you catch all that, Aradia? Feel free to ask him to repeat.]
video; i am...so sorry.
[Poor Phoebe.]
You seriously don't remember? Wait, of course you don't. That's on par for Johto. People being all over the place in the timeline and fuck that is really starting to get annoying!
[He whines, corners of his mouth turned down slightly as pinches the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up in the process. Can he stop remembing random scraps of information of his life in Johto? Or can it like all happen at once, cohesively? This is obnoxious.]
But yeah, we met in person. You were on Vriska's pirate ship with Sollux and that jerk with the bullhorns... wait he's actually not a jerk, is he? He's actually kind of a nice guy? Tavros. Dammit, I know he is a rude little buttmunch, so why does saying that feel wrong now? [So. Obnoxious.] Anyway, and Meenah and Vriska's ancestor who likes to talk a lot was there too. Aranea? Oh and Feferi and Nepeta showed up at one point too for some reason. Anyway, Vriska was doing her crazy thing where she sacrificed all her ghost troll friends so that Lord Spanglish or whatever the fuck his name was would lead you guys to the ultimate treasure [He lifts his hands and wiggles his fingers for emphasis.] that will defeat him. Aranea told us all about cherub sex and Leprechaun romance but then Meenah interrupted her because I guess even ghosts still have to pee?
[Ramble mode: engage for a second time. Please fasten your seatbelts and try not to roll your eyes too much at the pointless details and John's piss-poor storytelling.]
But that's not important, anyway we found the cave that housed the treasure and you and I had a conversation that I already kind of alluded to where I asked you how you felt about Vriska's crazy plan where she was basically double murdering all the ghost bros. And you said it didn't really bother you because you look at death differently or whatever so then I asked what you wanted out of all this and you said that thing that I said you said, and at that point Vriska got onto us for lollygagging and Aranea wanted to tell us another story anyway so I went up to go walk with them because story time holy shit that's exciting! So she tells us about these two rings and then Vriska flips her shit because I guess some orange guy tried to give her the magic ring that will bring ghosts back to life but she didn't take it because he was a weirdo? Then Tavros broke up with her and flew away while flipping us all the double bird. Then Sollux left with Feferi and Nepeta because he didn't feel comfortable with anything Vriska was doing and didn't want to be out-backboned by Tavros. Which, wow that suddenly makes more sense? He used to be kind of a wimp wasn't he? Back when he was in his wheelchair?
[A beat.]
Goddammit, I am just going to stop questioning how I know this stuff. Because I guess it was because I have been here all along? Fuck, I'm getting sidetracked. Anyway! So that just left you, me, Vriska, Aranea, and Meenah. Vriska lead us to the treasure which was in this red chest and then she had another fit for reasons I don't think any of us understood and she dumped it on the floor. Turns out the treasure is an intangible, flashing, transparent SBURB logo, which is why Vriska wanted you to come along on the expedition. So you could use your psychic troll powers to levitate it because it was impossible to pick up otherwise. Which you said sounded like a dare so I stuck my hand in it and sure enough, my hand went right through it. But then it made me disappear.
[Did you catch all that, Aradia? Feel free to ask him to repeat.]