moveslikestrider | Route IC Contact

[When Dave turns on his gear and checks his messages, you know what he'll find? Lots and lots of black text. It looks like Bro messaged him from the day he went into the sleep coma all the way up to now. It's all meaningless shit. Lots of 'dave. hey dave.' and 'wake your ass up.' and also 'i swear to god im tempted to put you in a thong and hang you from a flag pole if you dont get the fuck up right now.'

Luckily he didn't. There're lots more, but they're rather mundane. Mostly Bro just rambling about pointless shit like butts and puppets and how much Lil Cal misses his ass.

But today, there's even more, as he's found out that Dave is awake. Instead of doing the sensible thing and going to see him, he's just going to rely on technology.]

dave.
yo.
hey bro.
i know youre awake.
come on. pick up your gear.
dave.
daverykins.
yo.
dave.
dave.
derv.
derve strerder.
tsundave stridere.
dave dave bo bave.
banana fana fo fave.
me mi mo mave.
oh my fucking god.
what the hell are you doing?
i mean besides not paying any attention to me.
im bored.
did you know that blake is a pony?
yeah.
you should ask him about that one day.
i mean if you ever see this.
also masato has a nice butt.
just thought you should know.
fuck me with a cactus, talking to myself is so goddamn fun.
christ.
are you still a gradient?
you were asleep a while after all.
like goddamn how long was it? six months?
a year?
it feels like it was a goddamn long time.
we still need to go dragon hunting.
why havent we done that yet, you dickhead?
oh right.
because youve been asleep forever and a day.
dave come the fuck on pick up.
stop doing whatever it is youre doing.
im gonna die.
nevermind.
its too late.
i see the light.
goodbye.
im gone.
rip.
here lies bro.
his brosonthing ignored him.
it was fatal.
he leaves all possessions to lil cal.
heeheehee.
hooohooohoo.

[Finally clad in a shirt that fits and a pair of jeans he just stares at the messages. He scrolls through them, reading the text and paling at somethings and thankful for others. Namely that he was in the center and safe from tampering.]

oh my god cant you wait until a guy has clothes on that fit
i mean thats a huge deal because i was threatening to pop seams and get arrested for being too beautiful
genetics made me like andonis it is me
and no im not sporting the dye anymore this is all golden sunkissed sweet sweet tresses here
though i got enough if i spike it i could pull off your look
maybe i should do that once
eventually
some day
i dunno im going to root around and see interests i can develop here
chill out i was only asleep for a week even if it feels like way longer than that
wait do you mean blake the cop
fuck bro you do not mess with cops
did you get arrested
did he bust you
are you in the slammer and thats why you didnt visit
do you need bail
dont go making that laughter
god damnit

the day you get arrested for being beautiful is the day im convinced youre truly mine.
shoulda let it happen man.
but yknow im really sad the dye is gone.
pink was just.
man.
it was great.
how will i ever go on?
if you spike your hair i might be able to heal quicker.
just throwing that out there.
it was definitely longer than a week though.
like seriously.
but yeah hes a cop.
a pony cop.
he is an ex pony.
just like pinkie pie and all the other ponies.
hes the poniest.
hes just in deneighal.
i didnt get arrested.
no pony can hold me.
hoohoohoo.
heeheehee.

did you go slowly crazy and i didnt notice
all the pony focusing there
what if you become to fixated on that you become one
what then

if i became a pony...
holy shit that would be beautiful.
i mean could you imagine it?
also my cutie mark would totally be a sword.
or ten.
fuck yes.
now i wanna be a pony.

hahaha just dont go around wearing a pony suit ok
i mean it
no

what if i did, dave.
just fucking what if.

just dont ok
so what have you done while i was in the magical fuckin land of getting home updates

oh yknow.
stuff.
mostly i was bored.
i thought about eating some paras shrooms but i figured id save those for a rainy day.
also stuff involving butts im sure you dont wanna hear about.

Edited 2013-07-13 06:06 (UTC)

lets skip the butts
whats this about shrooms are those even safe for human consumption
i know we cant die here but can we not push that

wow remember who youre talking to.
i always push the limits wherever i can.
ad besides im pretty sure its like spoking pot or something.
you just get wicked sicknasty high and its awesome.

laying around getting intoxicated in some manner or another is awesome
right
ill pass on that
forever

jesus christ on the pot.
what kind of teenager are you?

one that isnt going down the tubes like others hes seen
anyway it doesnt matter
i know that cop he didnt believe me when i said welcome to pokemon land
has he learned to be more open minded
dude seems like hes going to crack one day and go dancing with the magical pretty lights
or be so stubborn hell be like that toad at the end of that one boring back i was forced to read once
you know the one
with the big fat toad on the road at the end
no
ok
you didnt miss anything

listen.
all im saying is i think you could stand to be a little bit.
well. yknow.
teenagery.
throw parties get laid go to jail.
mostly get laid.
thats all im saying.
the other thing im saying is i wanna fucking be there when he cracks like the egg he is.
but lets be real fucking honest here.
ill probably be the one to crack him.
ill make him croak like the frog you just described.

im really certain youll probably be the reason he cracks
because youre aimming for it and hes a dude who has no idea what youre capable of
and gd it can we not go on about dave you need to get laid
lets drop that part of the conversation down the trashcan when the lid snaps shut thats all well ever hear about it
forever

your faith in me is appreciated.
why is sex something youre so against.
i just dont understand it.
but fine.
fine.
well drop it.
for now.
but tomorrow im buying you a congratulations on the sex cake.
you can eat it and let its irony wash over you.

im not against it
im just not with anyone i want to do it with

obviously you should just be more like me and want to do it with everyone.
but i digress.
were not supposed to be talking about this anymore.
your sex life is your business etc etc.
i hope you like cake though.

what??
did you just ask that
id get up the moment someone whispered in my ear all tenderly
i made cake
cake and i are tight i would eat my weight in it if anyone let me

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