[Audio]

[moveslikestrider]

ugh shit my head feels like it got smashed up against a couple of walls
if this is what a hangover feels like that noise can skip right off somewhere
i dont even care where just somewhere??
ahahaha that was not a witty sentence at all
f minus for dave strider and his attempts to sort himself out
speaking of that why does it feel like im in a vice thats
[There's a rustling sound from the gear followed by a sharp inhale of breath.]
is this for real seriously
i cant even decide what to think about this because im not getting enough air in this two sizes too small shirt get up
i mean it makes my ass look incredible
this is so stupid i cant even lift a leg without my pants threatening to give up the ghost
who the hell decided to shrink my sweet gear thats just a traversity
well its not exactly sweet its something out of a renaissance fair
how the fuck am i going to get out of this stuff its pasted onto me like glue
who the hell would do that though that just seems dumber than spending all this time remarking about this
[There's a growl that echoes before Dave keeps going.]
what oh hey
i remember you
feels like its been a year since we shared the sky together and went darting around like we lost our minds
why did i give you shades that just seems so dumb in retrospect like trying to pay homage to something when the real deal is around
but between you and me this doesnt feel like my life anymore
i couldnt really believe it when i had it because its so picture perfect straight out of some fantasy a lonely guy might have

--RRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-- wait what the fuck?

[Dave's soliloquy about his ill-fitting clothes is brought to an abrupt halt by the tail end of a very loud, very aggravated shout. It might be hard to tell exactly who the voice belongs to at first, since it can be a little difficult to judge nonsensical yelling. But once he starts speaking, it becomes clear that the voice belongs to John Egbert.]

Where the hell am I? [A slight pause, during which time we can only assume that John takes survey of his surroundings and discovers...] DAVE!!!! Oh my god, it's great to finally see you again! Wherever here is!

[There's an array of vague bumping, stumbling, and rustling noises that we're going to assume is John getting out of his own bed and moving over to Dave's. Because that's exactly what it is. Unfortunately, he still doesn't seem to have remembered how to use his indoor voice because he's still kind of yelling.]

I missed you so mu-- where are my sweet god tier pajamas? What the hell is this, it doesn't even fit!!!

[There's a sound almost like laughter but it's a bit muffled.]
ok ok lets remember not to bellow like some beast
were in a hospital here
what if you woke some poor old lady or something

Why are we in a hospital...?

[It's quieter, but...ultimately, not enough. Because before Dave gets the chance to answer another growl can be heard, but it's decidedly not of the Pokemon race.]

Jesus fucking Christ will the two of you SHUT THE FUCK UP?!

[It sounds like something fluffy and soft hit at least one of them at a rather high velocity followed by a second one and then more from the now recognizable voice of Rose Lalonde.]

I swear to god neither of you know how the fuck to be quiet do you? Is that a hard concept? I thought not but apparently you both still know how to surprise me! Jesus fuck my head feels like it's splitting open ugh. Fucking asinine Skaia-vexing addlepates I swear to GOD.

[ooc: Translation with no colors: here.]

Comments

[believeit]

[Harsh, Rose D:]

What are you guys even doing over there anyway?

[tentacletrainer]

Waking up from one of those memory comas. In the Pokecenter, apparently.

[[Her head is hurt. She will kill a man to get it to stop.]]

[believeit]

Oh, those comas. [Okay, he can be a little more sympathetic now.]

Did all three of you wake up at the same time then?

[tentacletrainer]

Yeah. Well, somewhat. Dave and John obviously did before me. But yes, we did. I suppose we also fell asleep at the same time as well.

[believeit]

So if you were sleeping, how come you're hungover? Were you drunk before your coma, or were you dream-drinking?

[Important question obvs.]

[tentacletrainer]

I suppose you could say I was dream-drinking. Back home, I ah...drank quite a bit. And was drunk just before waking up. The sudden change upon waking up was a bit jarring.

[believeit]

Did you get taller too? Pretty sure Dave was sayin' he felt bigger or something.

[tentacletrainer]

A little taller, yes. Honestly, I've grown more in the...er. Hip area. That's where I'm having the most troubles.

[believeit]

Hip area? What did you get fat or something?

[Nobody said he was smart.]

[tentacletrainer]

Ah...you could say that.

[[And no one ever said Rose was kind.]]

Though it certainly wasn't from eating more than usual.

[[Look at this shy little smile and glance away from the gear that is completely fake but looks pretty damn convincing.]]

[believeit]

Maybe you need to go on a diet.

Or maybe you've got some weird digestion disease where you've gotta stop eating certain things else you might die [!!!!!]

[tentacletrainer]

[[Rose laughs, smiling.]]

Honestly it's not food related at all.

You should ask John and Dave what it's like to be future fathers.

[believeit]

[NO WAIT.

He's been in this situation before, where he called a woman fat but she wasn't at all.

Look he's leaning in, voice going down to a whisper]

Are you having a baby???

[tentacletrainer]

[[Rose nods, smiling fondly.

Not sorry, John. Not sorry, Dave.]]

[believeit]

[!!!]

Congratulations!! I think?

I didn't know you were married. [Haha so naiive.]

[tentacletrainer]

Thank you! And we're not married quite yet. But we have been engaged for a year now! Dave and I, despite the pregnancy, will be staying separated however.

[believeit]

[But....]

Dave said you're his sister...

[tentacletrainer]

By ectobiological technicalities, sure. It's all very complicated. See, in reality, his older brother is our dad, my mom is our mom, but John is actually all of our father. But in an alternate universe, Dave and I are the parents, while our parents are our children.

John is still our daddy though.

ECTOBIOLOTHREADJACK

[ghostytrainer]

Rose, no!!!!!!

You're explaining ectobiology all wrong on purpose to be a troll! Naruto, don't listen to her!

/JACK

[moveslikestrider]

Dude, no. Nothing went into anyone. There was no tab a into slot B, or hanky in someone's panky.

She just went through puberty. No one is having a baby.

[believeit]

Are you sure? 'Cause it sounds like she is, maybe you should talk to her.

[moveslikestrider]

Dude. Here's how it goes.

Bro is our dad - me and Rose's. Mom is our mom. In a reverse universe, we serve the role of guardian in name only, in a way. We don't get to actually be guardians but that's a whole other bit of shit that no one cares about.

[believeit]

But. How can your bro be your Dad??

[Unless.

YOUR BROTHER DID IT WITH YOUR MOM.


OH MY GOD.]

[believeit]

[AND NOW YOU KNOCKED YOUR SISTER UP WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS????]

[moveslikestrider]

...because he's actually my dad and told me all my life to call him Bro. Because acting like we're brothers was way the fuck easier than going yeah you're my kid. Make sense now. Stop flipping your shit. You are flipping your shit. There is no flipper children happening here.