moveslikestrider | Scratch it [Video] Fourth wall [Action for Golden Rod]

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Scratch it [Video] Fourth wall [Action for Golden Rod]

[In the Game Corner at one of the tables a Dave in a black pants suit peels the wrapper off of a candy cane and peers at the spread on the table.]

I'm telling you, that asshole over there is cheating. It's all over his face, look at him.

[The person being pointed at cracks open a bottle of apple juice and takes a swig. Unlike the other Dave he's a little older with a shade monocle. His clothes aren't so fancy, just a plain shirt and jeans assemble as he fiddles with the stack of Doritos to his left.]

Look you just want to see me lose all of my hard earned chips. What's the world coming to these days that some wet behind the ears little snob can jeopardize a good game.

[A third Dave is the one people are used to seeing around. He waves a chip at the other two.] This is exactly what I've been saying but you weren't listening to me.

See. I warned you bro.

But do you listen? Nooooo.

[A fourth Dave, dressed in his red God-Tier pyjamas and with a Drifloon hat sat upon his head, fiddles with the stack of chips beside him to line them up perfectly before shifting his candy cane in his mouth to speak.]

Holy shit. I can’t believe this is even happening. Why is this happening.

[He reaches out to pick up a couple of his chips, tossing them into the center and looking at the first two Daves.]

How about instead of arguing you take these final moments to kiss your chips goodbye. Tell them you love them and give them a fond farewell before I rake them in.

I'm not giving them a weeping send off because I'll be opening my arms to the wide world of your precious cheesy friends.
[The third Dave responds as he leans back to study the cards going down on the table. He checks his cards and nods to the monocle wearing Dave. He's slid over a card as he discards one.] This is happening because every time the world goes wacko other versions of us show up. I'm just keeping you all in one place.

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[There's a blinding flash and a zap as none other than John Egbert shows up on the scene of Daves Playing Poker. Even though he's wearing his god tier duds, at least one of the Daves should be able to tell that this is "his" John, so to speak. The one that's been in Johto forever now.]

[...what is he even seeing here. This is enough Daves. John pinches the bridge of his nose.]

Will there aver be a day when there aren't like fifty of you running around whenever this place flips its shit?

[The third Dave flicks a couple of chips into the center as if he hadn't heard John. He leans back and tugs his shades down to look like some ringer leader of this one man oddity show.]

Will you ever stop that zapping around like you're a bug zapper on the prowl for defenseless mosquito. I know that war is important to you but damn try to stay in one spot for a bit.

Dude, I'm not trying to do this I swear to god! Actually... [He leans in, lowering his voice a little.] It's worse than it was last time. This time it's like what happened back home. Like, before I wound up here? I was at last year's Christmas party...

[Guess what he just saw in real time, Dave. Guess what?]

[There's a long moment of silence. He's pretty sure he knows what event it was but he has to ask. Like a masochist.] Which part of that party??

I can't answer that question on account of the fact that the event in question didn't actually happen.

[Yeah, you really don't have to ask but here's your metaphorical spanking anyway.]

Edited 2013-12-01 10:31 (UTC)

Yeah that didn't happen. Did you ever get that video away from Rose? [Let it die, Dave. Let it die.]

...do I really have to answer that? What do you think?

[Of course not, Dave. It's Rose.]

Edited 2013-12-01 22:31 (UTC)

She's going to show it when we least expect it. We have to find a way to idk mess up the video.

Edit it.

Something.

[Before new years. He has no doubt she'll be 'Let's look at your previous shenanigans'.]

Edited 2013-12-02 02:47 (UTC)

For the briefest of moments, I thought about grabbing her 'gear. But I didn't want to mess things up, you know? Who knows what sort of effect something as simple as that could have had on us!

Maybe if I go back to that point again I'll try and like...sneakily grab it from her once she's in her drunken stupor.

[Dave leans forward and jabs John in the chest with a wrapped up candy cane.] Much as I'd love to say yeah sure do it. Don't.

[He drops the sugary treat before his best bud and gets back into his seat properly.] I can pretty much feel how it's supposed to go and everything went like it should.

Don't screw with time. That just ends badly. Even if it means not erasing footage that macking we claim didn't happen but it did.

Dude, trust me I know! [He takes the candy cane and unwraps the straight end, sticking it in his mouth.] Hence why I said "briefest of moments."

I was mostly joking about taking it from her later. I can't even control when or where I go so the chances of going back to last Christmas again are probably pretty slim. I have yet to go to a certain time twice. Well...you know, excluding whenever I come back to the present.

...That still sounds like time travel and it makes me nervous. [He crunches the end of his candy cane with a frown and his brows furrow.] I mean if it's changing things that are meant to be without the whole doomed line business, that's,

[Really damn bad.]

not something I can predict and pretty sure you'd be running Rose's seer sight ragged. Idk though because I'm the time dude not the lighty flighty broad watching you sleep and breathing heavily.

I'm being careful, don't get your panti-- dude, no. Come on. Rose wouldn't do something like that.

[Focusing on only the most important things here.]

Are you sure? I mean you're already sleeping in her domain why wouldn't she sit there and write a thesis about your slumbering.

Maybe she's sizing you up for the grand meal on your wedding night. Will he live to procreate and continue his genes or will I eat him first, she wonders.

...I'm so done with you. Done

She secretly has eight legs and hangs from the ceiling. You just don't know because she's been waiting till you sleep to climb up there.

Done!

[Look, see, this is him. Heading for the door.]

[Done.]

[Dave five who has been just sitting at the back like some grizzled patriarch studies the kid that appeared in their midst with a raised eyebrow. He leans into view and pitches a pair of chips into the pile.]

What's with the flashing there. That looks a bit like time travel.

[His lips twitch. Hard to say if he wants to smile or frown. He's the mysterious elder of the group.]

You should leave that stuff to the professionals.

It's not time travel, okay? It's different. I'm not the time guy, I'm the breath g-- wait a second.

[He squints, staring at the older Dave with something like recognition dawning over his face.]

I've seen you before. You decapitated those jokers from ICP! How did I not... hooooly shit you're scratched Dave. [It's all coming together now.]

[He folds his hands on top of each other and rests his chin on them like some lazy cat watching a bird flitting closer.] And you're kid John Crocker.

[It's like Christmas up in here. He leans back, still tall despite sitting down.] So if that wasn't time travel, what was it?

John Egbert, thank you very much.

[He tries to pretend that his post-scratch self has nothing to do with the Batterwitch or her evil company. He still can't believe that any version of himself would actually keep that name...]

But it's like...some kind of surreal, history altering... reality hopping... magic power.

[A beat.] Look it's not time travel, okay? At least not normal time travel because it doesn't follow the normal rules!!

John leave stuff to the experts? Nah.

[Dave six descends from the ceiling to snatch up a candy cane and drift lazily overhead now that John's here.]

Weren't we going to order a pizza? I'm pretty sure we were going to at least go pick one up.

Or we already did. This space is making my spiritual whatsis feel a bit addled.

[John jumps a little.]

Christ, I didn't even see you up there. Long time no see, Dave sprite, how's it uh...hanging?

[Or floating, in your case.]

[Dave four here]

We can't help it if the Pokemon world craves us.

[Also hello??]

Exactly. Thank you for chipping in. [Dave three is leaning down to pop the cooler open and toss Dave four a bottle of apple juice.]

We can't forget the loops either. That's important.

Yeah, exactly. [This is just a thing they do okay John don't judge it.]

You know what else is important?? Nacho Libre. [See that crazy ass chicken mexican wrester pokemon he just brought out? Holy shit.]

Are you putting down the gauntlet. Are you challenging me to a cock fight?? [Don't look now he's popping out Blazekin. Aw yeah.]

Hell yeah, it's going down. The challenge has been issued.

[Okay it wasn't, he was just bringing the funny looking dude out. But he can get behind this.]

Just remember, you started this. Don't come weeping to me when I wipe the floor with you. [Dave makes a gesture to Crispy and the Blazekin walks away from the table to crack knuckles far enough away from the table to keep it from being burned up in the throwdown.]

[See very relevant icon keywords. That's about All John has to say here just...what the hell, you two?]

[This is why there should never be more than one Dave in any given place. This right here.]

Are you saying that the world isn't a better place with like fifty of us running around?

[He's tossing chips into the air and catching them in his mouth.

... and with a mouthful of chips:] I'll remember that the next time we have to bail you out of whatever MacConnonachay heroics you got stuffed in your windsock and getting your head lopped off like a retarded stooge.

[Sup bro.]

McConaughey. [How many times does he have to correct you on this, Dave. How many times?]

And yes, that's exactly what I'm saying, this is entirely too many Daves in one spot. I'm pretty much swimming in Dave here and nobody should ever do something like that.

Are you worried that the other yous would do something if they weren't in one place? Why is keeping them in one place important?

Oh, and hi, other Daves! I guess I'm outnumbered, but does this mean the Time players outnumber all the other kinds we have hereabouts for the moment?

Yeah, we're the majority right now. Time rules, all other aspects suck.

Keeping them in one place is paramount this time. Supposedly last time some girl me was running around and I didn't get to see it.

[Dave opens his coat pocket and offers her a candy cane while keeping his eyes on his cards.]

I'm okay with that!!

And I don't think I saw a girl you last time. At least...I don't think I did?

[ It's not something she remembers, if so, but hey, it's not like she remembers half of the stuff that happens during these, so.

Oooh, candy cane. Aradia will accept that happily and unwrap it immediately, either locating an empty chair or just floating in space because Why Not. Candy is apparently enough to keep her in one location. ]

I remember meeting a troll John, though.

I remember troll John. He was invasive and way too curious for his own good. It was like being in New York and feeding one of the squirrels in the park. They automatically assume they can take the rest of your sandwich.

[He uses a foot to offer her an empty chair between him and old as dirt Dave.]

Maybe we'll see older you around or something too.

I snuck up on him, and that was about it!! Maybe he was curious about humans only.

[ Aradia takes the offered chair cheerfully, smiling at old as dirt Dave as she does so. ]

Oooh, maybe! I wonder what I look like, then. Do god tiers even age, do you think?

Edited (DAMNIT I WASN'T DONE WRITING THAT ACCIDENTALLY ENTERED) 2013-11-30 02:39 (UTC)

It's a motherfucking Dave party.

Sup Timesis.

Hi Dave!! When are you from? Is that okay to ask? I don't want to pry.

[Karkat has been in this fucking place with this obnoxious floppy creature attempting to follow him for just a couple hours. He got a summary of what the hell is going on from some dude and stumbled upon... Daves.]

DAVE- [A magikarp flops up excitedly in response and tries to leap onto the card table, but Karkat pushes it away with surprising gentleness.] NO, not you!

Ugh, anyway. The time traveling fucknuts with way too many duplicates- [Because clearly it was a mistake to name the magikarp Dave...] -Which one of you is the alpha?

Edited 2013-11-26 07:55 (UTC)

[By now he's wearing a sombrero (don't ask). Dave shifts the candy cane in his face (he lost count how many he's eaten) to speak.] It's another Dave, deal him in.

Sup Karkat bro, you're looking at him. [He lifts a hand in a little wave and leans over to dig in the cooler by his side.] Want a beverage? It's chill and still fresh as the day it was pressed bonefide apple juice.

...

Did you seriously name a Magikarp after us?

[Because this is totally the most important part.]

He seriously just did.

[The eldest Dave just sounds amused by it. He arranges his Doritos chips for the game into a little pile that puts Jenga to shame.]

Someone is going to be in for a wild surprise in...ooh twenty levels? [He does the thing that tells anyone to run for the hills if they know him. He laughs.]

If it doesn't get caught on film I'm going to be sorely disappointed with the lot of you. That is a golden opportunity.

[A little mean. Dave isn't that fond of trolls. But he doesn't see Karkat as a threat to him and his, so that's as far as it will go.]

Asshole couldn't even name a Blastoise after us, he had to pick a goddamn Magikarp?

[He watches the older-him with idle curiosity.]

That's it, we're breaking up. Consider this shit over.

And make that 15 levels.

If no one is dealing the fish in, I will. [Being absurd? Why not. It's the Dave way. He tosses a pair of chips into the pile at the center> Monocle shade waves off anything else as he deals out another set of cards.

'Ill take care of this.'

The alpha Dave of route looks a bit smug and nudges the Dave that spoke up in the first place.]

You better hit the candy canes before chuckles in the dark suit devours them all.

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Scratch it [Video] Fourth wall [Action for Golden Rod]

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video although tbh she could action in if they want, it's not like she's doing much

action works

all the god tiers are zapping around anyway apparently

it's their thing

they do it well

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